Liz Taylor once blamed
elastic for the changes in her shape.
Denial: All must be well
as long as the underpants still fit. . .
But–Why do you think they invented elastic?
my mother asked when I first whined
about the mid-life spread,
when the underpants started to bind.
Mother Knows Best:
Life is better with a little give,
allowance for the expansion
of miseries that come to weigh us down.
-published in Huge Underpants of Gloom, 2009. (My favorite publishing credit ever.)